


Stimulation

by Colamiilk



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Cuddling, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Mental Illness, Mentions of BJ's murder, Psychosis, Stalking, Takes place when they're with Noah, The clown is stalking Justin so, everythings a mess but Giriko and Justin love each other, mangaverse, uvu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colamiilk/pseuds/Colamiilk
Summary: Honestly Justin could barely remember when it showed up, his final days with the academy were a blur, emotions running in a high dangerous wave that crashed and picked you right up off the ground. Spinning you around without a care as you held your breath hoping you’d end up back on the sandy shore.
Relationships: Giriko/Justin Law
Kudos: 3





	Stimulation

**Author's Note:**

> Well we're here at the last fic of 2020! Its been a hell of a year for us all so here's looking for good things in our 2021.

The static of a million voices screaming over each other for attention played endlessly through the headphones in Justin's ears as he leaned against the wall of Noah’s hideout, the clown’s eyes piercing into him from somewhere in the distance. Things were too quiet in here, too boring, his music screeching nonsense did something to fill that weird blank  _ ache  _ his mind screamed for, but not nearly enough. His skin was still tingling with each brush of air, looking for the heavy bruising touches of battle and itching for it. 

Justin couldn’t say he  _ missed _ the academy, but the endless paperwork had at least been something to pass the time, to ignore this pain and feeling of something being wrong in his mind. Something to hold back the images of his body curling up weirdly, limbs sticking out in all different directions and twitching as he turned into something people mistook as inhuman. The images that stuck like a rotten splinter in his mind, tempted him into doing something that would result in some  _ stimulation.  _ Something  _ interesting _ . 

There was nothing interesting here, nothing to do but pray, something Justin wasn’t as interested in doing as he was when he was under Lord Death. After all his prayers were for salvation, to be cured and to be  _ normal _ , it wasn’t until recently that he learned Lord Death didn’t actually have that power, that there was no point in fighting it anymore. Lord Kishin offered self acceptance, something Justin was grateful for, but he didn’t really need to pray endlessly for considering it already  _ happened _ . Unlike Death, Asura actually  _ delivered _ his promises.

Still, self acceptance came with dealing with oneself… something Justin didn’t want to do right now. Just a moment’s break would be appreciated, a second to breathe, a second where he didn’t have to fight with his own mind to just  _ think _ . Of course there was no way to get that break though, Giriko’s offer of something to drink yesterday only resulted in him falling asleep with it's sedating effect, which wasn’t really what he was looking for. 

According to his old standards he was falling apart, losing his control, acting rash and unprofessional… but now he found he couldn’t care less. Survival was what was important here, serving Asura’s will and being allowed to  _ exist  _ in this world was what mattered, who cared how he managed it? Who cared about these arbitrary rules of what was acceptable and what wasn’t? Justin didn’t have the energy to be the one to care anymore, to deal with the filthy lifestyle of the other elites that was somehow ok in their specific context but wasn’t ok anywhere else or with anyone else.

If Azusa could see him now she would absolutely kill him, scream at him for letting his delusions take over his body, dating the man he found himself in blood fights with every other day because both of them liked getting out their aggression in each other anyway. Drinking down the alcoholic poison dripping off that same man’s lips with a greedy smirk, letting, no, adding to the world burning down around them. 

Justin knew he was causing suffering right now, that back at the academy they probably were saying horrible things about him, calling him selfish, evil, moronic, any of those things, all of those things. In his skin he wondered what they’d do though. If they’d be able to see the truth like him if they could see the monsters crawling on the walls with delusional smiles and shifting patterns, all blending into each other and eating each other's tails, endless and ending constantly… what would they say about all of this?

About the missing pattern of the world, the images no one could truly understand but Lord Asura. Would they see that Lord Death had been lying to them? Hiding so much in his self imposed image of normality? Letting those images disappear into obscurity, hunting out those images to snuff them out, to add to the perfect rosy world he had always dreamed of? To make those mad hate themselves so much they rather had the choice to spend their lives miserable or to be hunted like dogs?

Sighing Justin started his way down the hallway, bored of sitting there and now dragging his fingertips on the rough old walls, Noah really had decided to stay somewhere dingy… one would think a greedy bastard like him would want to live in riches, but Justin supposed he just wanted to keep a low profile while still a marked man. While all of them were marked men. 

Finally the clown in his disgusting misshapen form came out from where he was hiding, wanting to follow and make sure Justin wasn’t alone for a minute. He staggered with every step, his body, if it could even be called that, not made for any kind of movement with how unevenly it was built. There were times Justin saw how twisted and messed up the thing looked and asked Giriko, shamelessly right in front of it, if the man could see it too, if it was real or not. Apparently it was. 

Honestly Justin could barely remember when it showed up, his final days with the academy were a blur, emotions running in a high dangerous wave that crashed and picked you right up off the ground. Spinning you around without a care as you held your breath hoping you’d end up back on the sandy shore. Justin had been coughing up warm red salt water when he came back to his senses, his hands fisted in ripped fabric as he felt the heat leave the body beneath him.

That was the first time he remembered meeting eyes with the clown, it's cartoonish smile cooling his blood, making his body’s temperature mimic the corpse’s. At the time it’s gaze felt an awful like the deafening sound of a judge’s gavel… telling him that the life he knew was over, that his literal life could be over with a hot slice of another’s scythe’s blade if he didn’t run. Whether or not that was true, that was exactly what he did. 

It took him a bit longer to start preaching Asura’s word, words that came to him at night as he stared endlessly at the walls, but once he got there he felt as if he could breathe again. The guilt never went entirely away, but at the same time it did, like an endless flipping coin, a mood that never sat still. BJ’s death wasn’t his fault because he wasn’t in control, because if he couldn’t even remember it who knew if it was even him? BJ’s death was his fault because clearly it was if the academy decided it indeed was him. 

Even if it was though, how many people had he killed for the academy? How many souls had he eaten without question because they told him to? Really what was one more? They only cared because they knew BJ, because they needed his work, if it was anyone else Justin was certain they would’ve trusted him his choice to cut them down. Now if it was smart for them to trust him or not was a different thing, but the point still stood. 

Justin was honestly glad at this point that they hadn’t though, right now spending his time with Giriko he was happier then he had ever been before. Not constantly suffocating with expectations and stifling his bad neurotic attitude certainly did a lot for mood. Plus out of everyone Justin had ever met before, even the people who honestly blessedly tried, Giriko was by the far the best at dealing with him when things went past just a bit of oddity and into screaming paranoia and violence. 

Or maybe he was the worst, encouraging it and letting Justin be as neurotic as he wanted so he would wipe himself out and then pass out in Giriko’s often bloodied arms. Not to say he was the only one, Justin would also be coated in a layer of scabbing blood from whatever mess transpired. 

The only downside to it all was Noah liked watching, finding Justin’s suffering entertaining. Justin had gotten payback once throwing one of their kitchen knives like a dagger at the sorcerer as a warning to fuck off, but of course it didn’t work. If anything it just made Gopher a pain in his side always standing in between him and Noah now, as if Justin really was planning on killing the man, as if Noah needed protecting. Justin was really the least of his worries with his tract record. 

Justin was the least of everyone’s worries here, as neurotic as he was, the worst he had ever done was throw Giriko against a wall, even in his worst state he knew who his allies and who his enemies were. None of them but Giriko seemed to get that… but also none of them but Giriko knew how to properly fight back, treating him like a baby kitten that was just play fighting and needed to be swatted back every once in a while but other than that just left to do his thing. 

Really, honestly speaking, Giriko had truly been the best addition to his life to ever happen. As old as the man was and as aggressive and bitter, Justin still couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, there was a possibility that he would’ve left the academy even without BJ’s murder on his hands just to be with the other. That was disgusting to know, he was supposed to be more professional than that, but Justin couldn’t bring himself to be upset about it either.

After all, he was supposed to be a lot of things that he had already long given up. What was one more ‘failure’? Certainly nothing worth caring about. 

Walking back into the main area Justin gave the smallest smile seeing Giriko passed out and snoring on the couch, splayed out without a care in the world. He was precious, vulnerable in all the best ways… Slowly heading over to the other man Justin smiled as he went down on his knees to look at Giriko more closely, kissing his cheek and grinning when he got a bunched up annoyed look. Even in his sleep Giriko was never able to just be loved was he? Always needed to make a show of how ‘gross’ feelings were.

Kissing him again Justin moved to push Giriko over slightly and crawl onto the couch himself, letting the buzzing screeching in his headphones die down a bit with a practiced flick of his fingers so he wouldn’t wake Giriko up. It was warm by the other’s side, gorgeously beautifully warm… sighing in content Justin cuddled in, barely holding back his joy when Giriko, even in his sleep, recognized the scythe and wrapped a protective arm around him. 

The clown was still watching, something that would absolutely make Giriko flip his lid once he woke up, but Justin couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt warm and safe, happy and cared for… the blank pain in his mind had been washed away for the time being and he could finally,  _ finally  _ rest. 

And so he did. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those fics that theres parts I really really like and parts that feel lame as hell,, but it was really just a vent fic so I shouldn't be expecting much from it...


End file.
